It has been just under a year since I quietly severed a friendship with someone I cared for deeply. There was no drama, no pomp and circumstance – no facebook comment seeking bitch-fest about being wronged. Just a decision to discard someone from my life who I had previously held close and went out of my way for and of whom I feel started taking those things for granted. It was, in this case, the right decision as I have not heard from them in almost a year. No “Hey, what happened” and no “Sorry, I’ve been crappy at friendship lately”. This leads me to believe that 1) It was the right decision and 2) they know what they did.
I hold very few people extremely close, or what I consider “close”. I can count on one hand the number of people I could confide most things in and I can count on one finger the number of people who, aside from myself, know some of my biggest secrets. I have an amazing amount of filters people have to breach before they get to know who I really am. For the majority of people, I come off as direct and harsh but intelligent and at times condescending. For those who have gotten past all of my filters, or more easily said, for those few I trust to confide in my fears, dreams and mistakes, the person they know is completely different.
With this impending anniversary looming, I give you:
5 Ways to cut yourself out of my life.
1) Take me for granted.
I have been known to drive two hundred miles to help a friend stuck on the side of the road in the middle of the night. I take care of my friends. They are family. Start assuming my good nature is a sign of weakness and I’ll think twice the next time you need help. Eventually, you’ll just stop hearing from me.
2) Don’t hold up your side of the friendship.
We are all busy. I get that. I’m busy. If you know me you KNOW I’m busy. I don’t expect to hear from you every day or even every week. However, it takes about 2.5 seconds to send a text just to say hello and about 2.5 seconds to get one back that says “Doing great, thanks!”. Communication these days is extremely convenient. If you like having someone in your life, it’s pretty easy to keep them.
3) Drag me into un-necessary drama.
If you are close to me and you call on me, I’ll be there. Most of those close to me will back that statement up. However, if you continually drag me into teenager-like drama, you’ll push me out of your life quickly. I’m a positive person for the most part. The direct and abrasive mask I wear is a filter that most people don’t get past. If you have, then you know I will come to your aid, but if you start causing drama just to pull me (or anyone) into it for your own enjoyment, you’ll earn yourself a ticket off my bus.
I do not stand for liars. Period. I completely understand “withholding to save someone some pain” and sometimes those come about, (Before you say “there is never a good time to withhold”, think about the father who dies while the son is recovering from heart failure.. Think it’s a good idea to tell him now or wait until post recovery? HMM?) but when you lie to hurt people, you are doing it for your own pleasure and I just do not live like that. This makes you an insecure bully. Plain and simple.
5) Harm yourself.
I’m going to be there for you if you are in a bad way and want to help yourself. The moment I detect you are doing it for attention, and I will, empathy is a gift, I’ll be gone. If you are truly in a bad spot, I’m there. If you consistently do things to harm yourself without trying to move in the other direction, then I cannot help you. No one can help you until you want to help yourself. I completely believe this and I speak from experience.
And everything else
These are the main reasons, I’m sure there are many more obvious occurrences. In my opinion, some of these should be reasons ANYONE would decide to remove someone from their life. Consistently negative people do not bring anything positive to another person’s well-being.
“If I cut you out of my life, chances are you handed me the scissors…”