I can say with some certainty that for as long as there have been humans on this ball of mud, there has been dancing. Our bodies react to rhythm. Some better than others admittedly but we all *want* to move. Each of us stirs a little when our favorite song comes on.
So it baffles me then, as someone who has been part of the club scene as a DJ, the bar scene as an owner and an overall lover of music and dancing, why I hear so frequently from women the phrase “He doesn’t dance…”. This is usually followed by a tell-tale look of disappointment I’ve seen so many times before.
Men are by nature, “macho”. In Mexico, a place I love like I was born there, “Macho” is actually a term for a man (or more accurately a boy) who is parading himself around like a peacock. It’s a coming of age but during this coming of age, Mexican boys learn something that has seemingly been lost on American’s. Dancing.
In many countries other than Mexico, dancing is an important right of passage as well.
So why doesn’t your man dance?
Most of the responses I’ve heard when badgering a guy into telling me his reasoning for refusing to dance is lack of confidence rather than lack of desire, which is a common instant rebuttal. This is valid. It takes a little bit of courage to get out there and ask a woman to trust you to throw her around the dance-floor. Never having been taught is another reason I hear. “Dancing is girlie”, “I have no interest” as well as other weak responses are common as well.
If you think dancing is “girly” you should ask a woman what she thinks of men who dance. I did. Several. Just for this blog. You know what I got back when I asked several female friends to give me three adjectives that come to mind when they see a man dancing?
Comfortable in his own Skin
Admittedly not all adjectives, but, do you still think dancing is “girlie”?
You can dance if you want to…
Want is the first step. You have to “want” to learn to dance. But why should you?
The reasons TO learn in my opinion far outweigh those NOT to. For a single guy, one of the best reasons to at least familiarize yourself with some simple dancing is, well, women. Women love to dance, women love men who dance. I guarantee you that more women are going to be intrigued with your “Sure, I’ll dance with you” response then your “I’m too much of a bad-ass for that sissy crap” response. Women dig confidence and as I mentioned, it takes confidence to get out there. Dancing is an amazing ice breaker.
For the married or otherwise attached man, dancing is a social activity that you can enjoy with your partner and meet other couples who are of similar interests. Dancing is a challenge and learning new routines can be a confidence builder. It’s something you and your significant other can practice at home. It takes almost no investment and dancing is great cardio.
But. You have to get out there first.
You can leave your friends behind…
Confidence is the hill you are going to have to climb. If you have the desire but not the will, push yourself to get out there. Skill will come naturally with time and practice. If your friends make fun of you (like they did to me), you’ll have to ignore it and keep pushing. I promise you they’ll be asking you for advice when they see you confidently walk out on the floor and ask a women to dance.
Dancing and music in general is what saved me from becoming an extremely shy and anti-social adult. I never danced in high-school and I was terrified of the prospect of asking a girl to dance. This changed with the right words at the right time from a friend of mine just after high-school. You have to assume you’ll get rejected and just keep moving. She might lack confidence as well, she might just not be interested in it. She might be where you were when you started. If you are familiar enough, offer to teach and if not, move on.
Most importantly, ignore any ridicule you get from other men for your dancing. Peer pressure is a confidence killer but if you ignore it and move past it, you are going to see looks of envy from those same friends who had faces of disgust. Nothing shuts a “macho” man up faster then seeing you walking out to the dance-floor hand in hand with the women he was admiring. Nothing.
Ok, I admit it, I want to learn, but how?
There are so many answers to that question. If you aren’t standing in a douche-bag laden club full of guys twerking (which is NOT dancing), most dancers will be willing to teach you the basic steps. One of the ways I learned Salsa for example, was simply by going to Salsa nights at local dance-halls and restaurants. Often they will have free lessons for the first hour and because so many people come out, you are bound to find a partner at a similar skill level. I met many friends this way and even a partner who was willing to put the time into it like I was. She was married, her husband came as well but because of build differences, Salsa was difficult for them as a couple but they enjoyed the dance style with others. Later, when they married, both myself and his Salsa partner took the floor after their first dance and did a duet dance.
There are also MANY You-Tube videos out there with free instruction. Books can be found at resale book shops for next to nothing and there is always your social group, surely someone you know cuts the rug?
Repetition is important so you become familiar with the steps and aren’t concentrating on them. When you achieve this, your flow will be smooth. If you are lucky enough to master a school of dance with a partner, you will begin to anticipate their moves.
Aside from all of the above, dancing is sexy. Plain and simple. When you are one with your partner on the floor and your bodies are accentuating one another’s, people notice and that is a huge confidence builder. You are looking in each other’s eyes and there is a bond of anything from mutual respect and grace to “I want to rip your clothes off right here and now”. Whether it is a graceful waltz or a sex-emitting salsa, feeling another person’s body in your hands as you ebb and flow through a routine is one of the most beautiful, sexy and primal things you can do with another person.
Additionally, there are a few times in a man’s life where he should be required to dance. Yes, the wedding. Obviously. Nothing makes me cringe more than watching a new husband and wife struggle awkwardly through their first dance. It’s painful to watch. On the other side of the coin, it is extremely joyful to witness the same couple who obviously did a little preparation and choreographed a simple first dance that looks rehearsed and polished. You don’t have to be Fred Astaire out there, you just have to put a little effort in.