“You’re pretty.” – “&%$# off!”

woman-throwing-drink-on-man(1)I am a hopeless romantic. The first time I realized this was probably around sixth grade. I remember going to an ice cream social and the feelings I had for a cute little curly headed girl. I was pretty shy which people find hard to believe these days so the first time I acted on my romantic inclinations was at a mall when I was approximately 16 years old. A friend and I were walking through the mall and there was a florist pagoda. I bought three roses while my friend stared at me in confusion. I explained to him that I was going to walk up to three pretty girls and give them a rose with no explanation. He thought this was absolutely ludicrous and that we should go down to the arcade instead.

Very few people can fathom that I even have a romantic side. Even fewer can imagine that I would act on it in such a way. As I have matured, I find myself doing these types of things less and less. The reasoning behind this has nothing to do with desire but rather the reactions that I have gotten from people over the years. Where once things like the flowers at the mall seemed romantic and innocent, they are now considered creepy or even assuming. I went back-and-forth trying to decide if this was a changing of the times or simply something that happens with age. I settled on both. The times have changed and we get more suspicious and less willing to be hurt with age and experience.

But. Rant.

Ladies, just because he tells you that you’re pretty, doesn’t mean he wants to sleep with you.

Certainly, many DO want to sleep with you and an opening line like that is supposed to woo you. However, if you come to assume that every one of us  “wants you” because we tell you that you look nice, you are not only an ego maniac but you are going to be lonely too.

I get it. You can get laid any time you want. You are female and have “the power” and you are going to tell me you can brush off as many men as you care to and still pick one up a minute later. This is true. It is. Except that the “guy you can pick any time” is going to have the intellectual capacity of one of the Jersey Shore boys. He is only going to want you for what is under your clothing. Which is what many women end up dating… And then complaining about… To the guy they should be dating.

There is an internet saying I’ve heard where a woman asks “Where are all the nice guys?” and some random off-screen male yells “In the Friend-Zone where you left them!”. There is some absolute truth to this. Many women I know have said to me “But I want to date the bad boy!” There are plenty of bad boys out there who have stable careers, triple digit IQ’s and don’t have to borrow mom’s car to take you out.

I’m not defending the males here. We have ourselves directed you ladies into thinking every compliment really means “can I sleep with you?”. I have in my head a bar graph that shows the lack of innocent comments to the increase of comments said only in hopes of bedding you. The slope looks like a big X. Because of the sheer ratio of innocent, from the heart comments to those made in hopes of getting laid, it is easy to fathom why most women simply blow off romantic comments from someone they don’t know. The vicious cycle is that the guys willing to step up and say something from the heart diminishes each time they are completely and sometimes rudely blown off.

I mentioned earlier that women “have the power” and it’s true. I only recently had a conversation along these lines with a female friend. It’s not hard for a woman to get a date. On the contrary, it takes a bit more for a guy, even a confident one, to step up and ask a woman out on a date. Most of us got past our rejection issues early on but they still linger there, whispering in our ears as we build the courage to ask you out. We know from experience how easily and quickly we will get blown off. We pick the situation carefully in which we will ask.

So women have the power. Men also have some of this, especially confident men. Yes, some of us could probably go out and pick up a woman tonight. The difference is, those same guys who are in the business of making sincere compliments are the same ones who aren’t going to pick up a woman for the night because it is not chivalry and the same ones you left in the friend-zone and complain about not finding.

Next time a guy walks up and says you are pretty, utilize some of your natural empathy skills and decide if he is just trying to get laid, or, if something you did caught his attention. “Pretty” might have been all he could muster but it could have been the sway of your hair, the glint of your eyes or the way you sipped coffee that intrigued him rather than your chest, backside or what he imagined you to be like in bed.

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